Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Blues

First off, let me say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who offered advice for driving and living in snow. It was so interesting to get tips from as far away as Sweden, and as close as right here in SLC.
If any other tips come to mind later, just add them in on what ever post is up. I'll take all the help I can get!

Right now it is sunny outside, and the sky is quite blue, as are the mountains in the distance.

Some times blue is a lovely color. I myself am fond of the aqua shades of blue, the shade of blue that graces these lamps. They matched the carpeting in the house perfectly.

I just can't decide if I think the lamps are horrid, or very cool retro. One moment I like them, the next I don't.

That is pretty much how my whole life is right now...I seem to be unable to get a handle on much of anything.

And because of that, I find myself sinking into the blues.

Stress will do that to you. Even if you think you are just hunky dory, even though you pray and have faith, having so much change going on messes with your mind and emotions.

Making decision about anything becomes almost impossible. Buying a down coat, a house, a kind of cat food...all of it starts becoming very difficult.

As to the lamps, whether I do or don't like them doesn't really matter; the house they hung in was a serious no, and the over head lamps were not enough to make up for the rest.

This blue building is a good example of what life is like for me right now.

I stare at it, and think "Why did they build such a skinny high rise? That just doesn't make sense. I like that it is such a pretty shade of blue though."

Later I look at it again, and realize that actually the building is a triangle shape. Just going a few blocks towards it allows the rest of the building to come into view.

And then it also become apparent that the building isn't blue at at.

It is glass; and blue is just the reflection of the sky.

My mom remembers swimming off the Saltaire Palace as a child. I hear the building is still standing, but in terrible condition. I have to wonder why such a beautiful structure would not have been preserved.

The picture illustrates another enigma: The swimmers actually don't concern themselves with sinking; instead they struggle to push their feet down enough so that they can walk out of the water! Floating actually becomes an issue.

So confusing to think about.

This beautiful building...with a buffalo head for adornment. Curious. Why a buffalo head? Did they sell buffalo? What did the buffalo mean?

I don't know.

I do know the building was there when my grandfather lived here.
Today would have been his 104th birthday.
Today marks the 33 year since he left us.
Today we would have celebrated his service in WWI.
Three events to consider, each embedded on one calendar day.
Emotionally...it is confusing.
And I find myself teary again.
Sometimes I think the opposite of blue is gold.
Like this door...so huge and bright, powerful and strong.
It once led into a bank.
(You can still see the night deposit opening on the side of the building to the right)
I can imagine how secure people must have felt opening that door, and depositing their cash.
But what did that door look like to those people during the bank runs of the Great Depression?
Today it is the door to an architecture and engineering firm.
(Their sign is painted on one of the building's side windows.)
The banking hours are still engraved on the gold door though.
Unless you turned the corner and read the sign, you would never guess it wasn't actually a bank.

So here is how that skinny building looks from another view. How could anyone possibly know this just by looking at it from the first picture?

The building doesn't just disappear into the distance either.
It is there, and real.
You just have to be in the right place to get the right perspective to have it all make sense.
That's what I keep telling myself about all this house hunting and mind changing and government changing and all the other changing going on in my life.
Eventually...all this will have come merely to pass.
The confusion will pass...
Eventually all this will make sense.
Eventually blue will just be a color again.


Lovella ♥ said...

Untitled and unworded .. . I feel like a small child that has been given a picture book and told to make up a story .. . so I did .. .
The pictures took a bit to put together into one story .. but alas, you are dealing with bloggers here and we are a imaginative bunch.

Lovella ♥ said...

Jill, I feel for you. . .wish I could give you a real hug, but I am here and you are there and there is a border between us. . .
I can't imagine the difficulty with indecision you must feel. At this point in my life, I can't make a decision to save my life. I go to town with something in mind to buy, and by the time I get a mile from home, I head in a completely different direction, no longer interested in the reason for leaving home at all.
You have my sympathies. . .and a hug.

Anonymous said...

I'm there with you. About the only thing that seems positive right now in my life is that grandbaby-to-be, and the distance depresses me. Poor Doc is having to make all my decisions for me. I know he's getting tired of my asking him...this or that? yes or no?

Please don't feel rushed about choosing a house right now. If you have to store your stuff, then you just bite the bullet and do so. That's too big of a decision to make in haste. I like the thinking of just focusing on a good, livable, affordable house...the rest will fall into place.

Blue is a wonderful color, but not a great place to "be."

Y'know, I'm not big on retro, but I sort of liked that unusual light fixture. I'd probably tire of it after a day or two. ;)

I can't even put together a logical-sounding comment! Just accept that things are a bit addled over here. 8-(

Islandsparrow said...

Praying for you Jill - for just the right house - one that says "home"

and here's another hug

{{{{{{{{{ Jill}}}}}}}}}}

from north of the border!

Julie said...

I don't know if you are like me, Jill.. but I need HOME for everything else to make sense. I have never been 'between' HOMES for longer than it took to move but even that made me feel very unsettled.
I think you are soo right.. "this too will pass"
and 'blue' will just be once again the beautiful color of your sky! And your 'skinny buildings' reveal a plumper side!!
Praying that all your 'pieces' fall into pleasant places!

Sara at Come Away With Me said...

Hello dear Jill.

Is it just me, or did decision making and life in general seem so very much easier when we were younger?

I'm sending hugs from Southern California. Big, warm, sunny ones! Prayers too.

Kate said...

Oh! I SO understand the blues being part of transitions and turmoil. It will pass and soon the new, odd, unfamiliar will be home to you. Hang in there.

The skinny building reminds me so much of the Flatiron Building in NYC. Probably an accommodation to the space they had to work with.

I imagine the buffalo is a tribute to the millions of buffalo who once roamed the West/Midwest and were nearly wiped out by "sportsmen" shooting from trains sometimes (instead of airplanes). Fortunately, a few good people saved a few and started a new herd so we still have buffalo today. I remember seeing some in Oklahoma during a family road trip when I was 7. Would have been amazing to see them by the thousands on the plains.

You will find your nest and when you do the decision won't be hard to make.


P.S. I like the lamps!

Becky said...

Wonderful visual metephors of life! The emotional exhaustion eventually does catch up with all of us as we view the world from our single perspective. Good thing God sees the other side, well, all the other sides! We are called to roll along, and be the people He created us to be. All of us different who accept challenges, and changes in our own way. All I know is try to enjoy the ride.