Walks

Pictures from a short hike we took the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Snow had tumbled down the small slopes beside the trail.
The naturally made snow balls always make me think of cartoon scenes...you know which one's I am thinking of?

Avalanche warning kept us in areas where the elevations around us were gentle slopes.

The following Sunday (a week after my medical procedure) Bernie went cross country skiing up at Solitude, and I walked around the Solitude village a bit.

Flat snow "pancake" like designs floated atop a small stream whose soft burble was the only sound that was heard.

Solitude Village...

Lots of condos and time shares, most of which appeared to be vacant.

The clouds drifting just over the ridges to the west; rainbow accents embedded in the cloud's outlines.

Poor wee snow woman with the sad remains of summer floras bent beside her in the snow.

Ice dripped and shot rainbow jewels all about.

Never would I have thought to paint eaves orange and turquoise in a snowy mountain area, but you know what?

The color  scheme totally worked in the setting of white.

Never would have thought to add dried cranberries to a wild mushroom soup.
We didn't stay for lunch, but I snagged some cooking ideas from the menu anyway.

Huckleberry ice cream was enough of a treat.

Bernie caught up with me at the ice cream shop.
We shared the cone, then headed back down the canyon to our own home for dinner.

Just a nice Sunday afternoon mini get away.

The Song

Well...technology has me mystified as usual: After getting comments that the English translation of the Hindi song that I linked to in my last post didn't show, I tried clicking on the song link again on four different computers and each time the English translation showed in the YouTube version. 

Go figure. 

Perhaps some people's computers demand that Close Captioning (CC) needs to be clicked before the translation appears?

I just don't know...

Because the whole reason that I posted the song was because of the lyrics, I figure I had better write out and post the lyrics, in English, so *maybe* it can be understood why I liked the song so much. 

This is the song sung by a husband to his wife; at this point in the film the heartbroken wife has yet to offer her husband any hope that she will ever love him.  He assures her that his love is not based on her loving him but rather because...well, read the lyric below for his underlying reasoning!

Later in the Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi movie there is a parallel song sung by the wife after she has an epiphany concerning her husband.

It made me happy to read about several people who chose to have this song sung at their wedding. 

(And please note that the word "bowing" in the translation below is most closely imagined as "respecting" in our culture).

So here is the translation of Tujh Mein Rab Dinkhta Hai:

You are my heaven

My final tryst.

You are my prayer.

My  soul's bliss.

You are the calm I seek.

You are in my every heart beat.

I  know nothing else now

Except...

I see my God in you,

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you.

I don't know what to do.

I see my God in you.

So far some how

I am helpless now

But I touch you with my gaze.

Your scent

Your words

I'm in paradise in a daze

You're the light inside my heart

You're the treasure I'd ever part

I know nothing else now

Except...

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

It's a match made by God

With anklets that ring

Leave me longing

When you go by

Your shadow teased with with touch

Even when your are shy it is like my God is dancing...

Your are what shines

My light divine

I know nothing else now

Except

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

It's a match made by God

Isn't it a refreshing concept to think that a romance/adoring could be based on seeing God in the other person, instead of what reasons are usually portrayed/suggested in Hollywood movies?

I think so.

How about you?

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai - English Subs

I want to post about a song...sung in a language which I don't speak, which I played over and over and over again while I was recovering from a medical procedure last week.

 I had come across several very high reviews of the Bollywood movie "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi" (translation: A Match Made By God), from 2008, and had ordered a copy of it prior to being hospitalized. It arrived just in time for me to enjoy while I recovered at home.

As is the case of all Hindi language films, the plot required a suspension of critical thinking in order to enjoy the plot, had several song and dance numbers (one of which was so awful silly I barely made it through it), and the movie was long enough to include an intermission.

 (When Bernie joins me in watching a Bollywood movie, he usually is gasping "Oh THANK you God that this thing is half over!" when the intermission screen appears).

 One thing about anaesthesia and me: for days after being put under, I find that I am unable to follow the most simple plot line in a book and will read and re-read the same paragraph multiple times without comprehension. I find the same issues plague me when watching television, and worse, this being the Christmas season, I found the endless stream of commercials urging me to get out there and shop for stuff to be exhausting. After an hour of television I was so done with Christmas that I was wishing it was August again already.

Anyhoo...Bernie had won a laptop style DVD player which was just the right size for propping open on my chest backed up by a pillow while I stayed snuggy in bed beneath a down comforter.

I popped the "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi" dvd in and let the story unfold.

The very popular Indian actor Shahruhk Khan was featured in a dual role. The storyline, in brief, entailed a very geeky Khan going to the wedding of his college professors' daughter. He is quite smitten by her pre-wedding joy, and is also greatly admired by the Professor.

Bad news quickly arrives: the groom and his family were killed in a fatal accident on their way to the wedding, and with this horrific news, the professor suffers a heart attack. Not wanting his daughter to be left alone, the professor asks Khan if he would be willing to marry the daughter if she would accept the idea.

 In less than 48 hours, the professor also dies, is cremated and Khan and the girl are wed. The girl is much younger than Khan's geeky character, and is understandably pretty shut down by all that has happened so quickly.

 Khan brings her back with him to his home in the city, and with great dignity gives her the main room in his house for her own, retreating to the attic space to live and sleep.
 He soon realizes he is in love with his young wife and wishes for nothing more than that she would once again have joy.

Upon discovering that the only time she smiles is at the antics of Bollywood movie heroes, and after agreeing to let her enter a dance class, he plots to become part of her life as a dual character: he dresses as a Bollywood hipster would dress and enters into the dance class to watch her.

A comedic friendship evolves between the "hip" Khan and the girl, while "geeky" husband Khan does not reveal his duplicity knowing that he represents the moment that she lost so much in her life.

As usual, it is after the intermission that the story line shifts from being almost slap-stick to being so deep and emotionally significant that it just blew me away.

Now granted I was feeling pretty whimpy while I was watching this DVD, but I was also very aware of how exquisitely my husband was providing care for me on many levels.  With our 35th anniversary coming up next week, I felt so blessed to have him with me and to be the recipient of his many kindnesses to me in my infirmity.

In sickness and in health...after 35 years we deeply understand that part of our wedding vows now.

"As Christ loved the Church"...yes, I saw in my husband a man made in God's image.  I saw God care for me brought about through him.

Which brings me back to the song entitled "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta" that I played over and over again, often with tears welling up in my eyes.

Khan is playing both of the men in the scene: the geeky husband in white, and the "hip" guy friend as well. He is lipsyncing as is the traditional way of Hindi movies; another artist's voice is the one actually heard in the movie. Maybe this song won't affect you as it did me...but I wanted to share it anyway...click HERE to view it with English translation.

The scenery, lyrics, instrumentals, choreography and children combined to make it special to me.
(I later learned that the sound track of this movie was the first Bollywood soundtrack to make it into the top 10 of music down loads.  Apparently it isn't just me who found the song to be quite wonderful).

More than Jesus in my heart....

I finally feel well enough to do a catch up post.
Perhaps I should borrow a title from Louisa May Alcott and entitle it "Hospital Sketches", for that is what this post will be about, for the most part.

Yes, that is my monitor screen pre-procedure, with my funky 52 pbm Brady Sinus heartbeat and other issues pictured up there. 

But it is a catch up post too.
So.
My amazing husband cooked an incredible Thanksgiving meal for us.
Friday we went snow shoeing again.
Sunday night we had a "left over" dinner with the Utah based family members who had been gone over the holiday proper.

Bernie and I watched the mid season finale of The Walking Dead after they left.
Pretty gripping stuff...

At ten that evening I stopped eating and drinking in preparation for my next day's scheduled Catheter Ablation,
 a cardiac procedure, which was scheduled to address my arterial fibrillation and arterial flutter.
Both of those issues had been identified early this past October.

From what I understood, a doctor would be feeding wires up my main arteries and into my heart where he would identify which parts of my heart were beating out of sync or in flutter or in fibrillation or whatever and burn those areas to create scarring so the cardiac electrical pathways would be altered.

The next morning we got up early to be at the hospital by 8 am.
Bernie kept looking at me and commenting that I was awful cheerful for some one who was about to have wires threaded through my body and into my heart.

Naw.  It was gonna be just fine.
Back to work the next day...
No. Big. Deal.

Except they sent us home; requesting we return at 11 am when the doctor would arrive.

Oh.
Missed that voice mail....

Well then.

Take two.

Lickity split, at 11 am sharp I was checked into a hospital room, changed into a gown and sticky pads were anchored all over my body in order to monitor my heart rhythms.
It is kinda distracting and interesting to watch one's pulse wave along on a screen, and note when the alarm fires off because the heart rate drops to 48...47...46 and numbers there about.

Bernie was absolutely delighted to discover that the hospital room had a "sleep over" couch in the room that was long enough for his 6'3" frame.

The man has done more than his share of sleeping in a hospital room watching over me while curled up in a chair or trying to get comfortable in a bed nearly a foot too short for his size.
I was glad for him too.
We have a policy in our family: No one is left alone in the hospital.
This time it wouldn't require such a great physical sacrifice for Bernie.

I mentioned to my doctor's PA that if I woke up alone and found "walkers" in the hospital I was going to be really, really upset.
He laughed, said he couldn't believe I watched that show, and wasn't it great, and yeah it would be crazy to discover the hospital was overtaken by zombies.

He promised he would get me out if that happened.

Always nice to meet another Walking Dead fan who would be willing to come to my rescue if zombies happened to attack.

Yes...I was still believing this procedure would be pretty easy at this point.
Except for a headache due to skipping my morning cup of coffee, I was feeling just fine.

Of course there still was to come the needle stick in the back of the hand to start the IV. That is never a pleasant moment, but after that...clear sailing.

A team arrived to whisk me down the hallway to the Cath Lab.  I had left my glasses with Bernie and once I was scooted off the bed and on to the surgical table, I regretted leaving them behind.

The room, from what I could see, looked like a space station lab with huge monitor screens over head and glassed in stations all around me.

One of lab team was sporting University of Utah motif spangled scrub cap.

I told him it was pretty cool, but it would be better if it had an OSU beaver motif.

"At least we are both in the Pac 12" he replied congenially.

Still feeling rather chipper, I then commented that my grad school was still undefeated this year... and gave a pause to wait for someone to ask which school that was.

I heard a snicker before the question was even posed.

Would you believe the four people attending me were University of North Texas grads, and one guy had even gotten married in the TWU chapel?

It was like old home week with a bunch of exiled Texans.

Yeah, they totally knew about how Texas Woman's University has remained undefeated in football for well over a century...

The next thing I knew I was waking up unable to breath.
I thought I was back in my room, I knew Bernie was there and a team was around me but I COULDN'T BREATH!
I tried to yell "I AM DROWNING!" and lunged to get off the bed.

Bernie said it was just like watching a Walking Dead zombie  as my screams came out ArrgghhhrrRRGGHAAAGRRR and I flailed about.

Then my right upper leg started killing me.
I managed to say something understandable about that and quickly had a nurse bearing down on a puncture located at the inside groin.

Things calmed down...I knew I had to lay perfectly flat for several hours to make sure there wouldn't be an accidental re-opening of the groin punctures where three wires had been threaded on one side up into my heart and there was another puncture on the other side and one on my neck and...it seemed like I was now sporting globs of huge cotton batting all over my body.

I was horribly thirsty having not had a drink in over 20 hours.
A few ice chips were fed to me by Bernie and at some point I was told I was was now going to be taken back to my room.

Someone started rolling me and my bed somewhere...and then I realized I was nauseated.
I mentioned that fact.
In fact, I mentioned it twice.
Then I mentioned that I was going to throw up.

A couple of people scattered, obviously trying to find something to catch the spew; they had no success so I got to experience the wonders of vomiting while laying flat on my back while looking straight up at the ceiling.

For the second spew I did get to turn my head and there was Bernie ready to hold a small curved basin to catch the mess.
At least that is how I remember it.
I will have to ask him later it it was indeed him.
(It was.)

He has experience with me spewing in hospital settings.
During our son's C-section delivery; during a few other events...he was there for me when I needed him.

I was apologizing to everyone in ear shot for the mess on my neck and shoulders. Later I learned that cardiac anesthesia is a slightly different mix than most anesthesia so my reporting that I had not gotten sick from being put under before was not relevant to what was likely to be experienced this time.

Back in the room I was expecting to start feeling better, but no...a few more spews (how could just a couple of ice chips produce that much fluid) and then my right rib cage started hurting.
An anti-nausea and pain drug was given to me.
Didn't even make a dent in the issues.
Something stronger was administered...
And something even stronger as I was clenching the rails and jiggling my feet trying to cope with the pain.
Dilauted I wanted to say.
Get me some serious meds NOW.
I don't know what they finally gave me but I did fall asleep for a bit.

Super bummer to have them keep coming in to do what ever they needed to do...draw blood, take vitals, etc, because upon waking I was right back to hurting until I could fall asleep again.

The next morning I was able to roll over and the rib cage pain stopped.
Breathing still was not really comfortable (the inside the heart burns tends to irritate the entire the heart, which swell and rubs against everything else in the chest so each breath felt like a karate chop on between my shoulders and my chest).

Not sure why all my complaining didn't result in

MORE
PAIN
MEDS.

grrrrrr.

The doctor dropped by and drew a nifty little sketch of all that he had done.

He assured me that I *might* have a low grade fever, *might* have some minor discomfort, and a Tylenol would fix me right up.

He lied.

Bernie set off to get a pile of prescriptions and I was discharged after a nice nurse cautioned me to watch the punctures for redness. She then went over a rather complex set of instructions on how to take the meds.

Something like drink the fluid, wait and an hour later take pills then an hour later eat, then repeat in reverse later in the day.
Something like that....

Once I was home I started to read the warning literature that came with the meds.
One would thin the blood and all kinds of dire stuff could happen with that.
One could cause constipation, while the other could cause diarrhea.

Hmmmm....how is a combination like that even possible?

Blurred vision was quite possible too.

I went to bed.

Bernie figured out the dosage rhythm.

That night my temperature went up to 102.2

I asked Bernie to call the doctor's office to see if that was normal since the literature said to call if a fever reached  over 101.

Love the cliche answer we got:

Take some Tylenol and call back in the morning.

The fever slowly came down over the rest of the week; by Saturday I was almost fever free.

The pain level bounced around between unbearable and barely noticeable. 
Any quantity of food would set off chest pain as the esophagus would fill and rub against the swollen heart.


Then of course there was breathing where the heart was rubbed by the lungs.

In  one particular painful 3 am episode, I decided eating and breathing were out from here on in.

My cats did attempt to cheer me up in the lonely night hours by doubling their nocturnal jingle ball and mouse chasing activities.

They would wait until I had almost nodded off sitting upright in a chair in the living room then go thundering down the hall swatting cat toys loudly enough to wake the dead.

Day 7, Sunday, was the best day yet.
No fever, very little pain.
That was good as I was headed back to work the next day.

Work...where I had optimistically and ridiculously stated I would return to the second day after the procedure, like my doctor had suggested was possible.

I suspect that my doctor sometimes treats people that are not really human if they can actually do that.

Oh and I did I mention that when I called the doctor's office again on Friday about the fever and pain, I got to speak with his nurse who clued me in that the doctor
just.
 might.
 have forgotten.
to mention.
That he would be gone on vacation for three weeks after the procedure.

And but the good  news, (according to the chipper nurse) was that I had gotten him to do the procedure before he left town.

The fever, pain, and totally crazy heart beat patterns that had been happening since the procedure were TOTALLY normal and to be expected.

There now.

Isn't that a good thing to know?

And won't it be a good thing for them to know once I get a patient care evaluation form that I thought their pain management skill levels totally stunk.

*********

As I write this it has been a full week since the procedure.
I am feeling stronger day by day, had a full day back at work and am looking forward to two weeks from now when I should be better than new, heart wise.

Can't wait to start exercising and having energy again.

***********
And I especially want to say a big Thank you to all of you who knew about the procedure as it was happening and held me up in prayer.
I did feel at peace.
I felt totally at peace in my soul.
Totally safe with my God watching over me.

Out in the Field

Just try to guess what this is.
It was what was on Bernie's car yesterday morning.
We were switching cars for the day; he hadn't pulled his into the garage the night before.

Wouldn't you know it...the first heavy frost was there waiting for me for me just when I was trying to get gone to work.
The stuff looked like an inch thick on the car's roof.
Seriously.
Bernie came out and help me with scraping duties, then I was on my way.

At ten I was in a different car, checked out from the motor pool.
A drive down to San Pete county, over two hours below SLC, was on my schedule for the day.

Pretty country...

I first went to an elementary across from this scene.

Visited with the librarian/driver of this mobile unit.
The children flowed into the unit, giving the driver a big smile as they slammed down their books for him to check in, and then scampered to the shelves to select more books to check out.
I don't think I have ever seen such incredible beautiful children in such large numbers before. 
Gunnison Utah: Land of the Beautiful Children.
Who knew.

Then I took a whirlwind tour of local city libraries.
Gunnison's library was housed in their new city hall.

As I told the really cool librarian:

 You do realize that there are many librarians around the country that would be willing to kill you in order to become the librarian of this library?

She laughed and totally got it.  It was a new facility and just gorgeous. A perfectly sized small town library.
The kind of library that almost all librarians dream about managing.
She thanked me for all that us state librarians do help the small town librarians be able to do their jobs.
That made me feel good...although not the least bit less jealous of her job.

She even has art in her library.
Lucky girl.

Another city hall...but this time the library was in an older building next door.

Pretty impressive looking isn't it?

Inside was a colorful "old school" style library.

The children's library collection was downstairs and there was a piano there too.  I bet story time in that room is such fun with music and everything.

Yes...every librarian loves cats. And if there can't be a live library cat, then there will be a representation of a library cat instead.

The next town's library...

Again...pretty impressive and there is a feeling of anticipation when one has to climb stairs to enter the library.

Dang....I wouldn't be there for story time.
I just love a good story time, don't you?

Check it out...the library even has a gas log fireplace for those wishing to curl up and read in front of the fire.

They too had just recently had a library make over.
I like how the "new" still  looked old fashioned.
It was maddening to only be able to visit with each librarian for about ten minutes.
(That was probably for the best since, you know, how much I would love to be a small town librarian and all...)

Each town was about 20-30 miles apart and I swung by scenes like this valley on the drive.

Last stop:  A library due to be rebuilt soon.

It was such a tiny space, and yet it still was appealing.  The librarian and I chatted for about an hour; she had gotten her MLS from North Texas University which was in the same town as Texas Woman's University, where I had acquired mine.
She had gotten her course work "on  line".
Smart girl. 
From what she told me, on line classes and connection with classmates over the Internet sounded like a lot more fun than what I went through: driving an hour each way to sit in a roomful of full of exhausted students with a marginally sane prof  holding us captive in a hot or cold room for a long lecture.
What a difference a decade made in education.

It kind of gave me the spooks when the librarian suggested I return to SLC via one way rather than another...due to it now being dusk and the deer tended to be out crossing the roads and the one road being the record holder for head on collisions and all.
She suggested I try to follow a car if I could so if a deer did leap out...you can fill in the rest of the thought yourself.
I made a note to myself to not ever be driving home at sunset from a rural area ever again.
Even if the sunset made the timing worth it...this time.

From another library...as I was waiting bit.
I join the wall turkey in wishing all my dear friends and family a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Snow shoe time again

The calendar says "Autumn"; our landscape says "Winter".

In some instance the two try to split the difference with scenes like this one.
(Looks like Winter is coming out ahead on this particular compromise).

All last week the weather forecasters were giving me the willies by repeatedly warning us that there would be a sever winter storm, commencing at commute time on Friday.



I was out of my office at 4:30 sharp and the first flakes fell at 6 pm at our house.


Whew!

The snow fell steadily for about three hours, then just dropped a flake or two during the night and into the next morning. I was sort of disappointed as I like to watch snowfall and there isn't much to see once it gets dark outside.



By Saturday afternoon, we had scheduled a massage and decided to go snowshoeing before that special treat.

No human footprints were to be seen up in the canyon, but oh, there had been lots of other kinds of foot traffic.

The temptation to follow the track...to see where the critter was heading...well, why not give into the particular harmless interest?

Wonder how far apart these two path crossing creatures were time wise?



Was there a critter "t-bone" incident, with animal driven tow trucks involved?

Looks like there was a successful lane merge accomplished here...

Then traffic got really heavy at the bridge crossing.

Other critter tracks were much more straightforward and easily understood.

It was a super nice time to be out in the snow...

For creatures of every size!

It is nice when your id badge picture turns out good.