Behinds the scenes at the wedding and MOG tips Pt. 3

The day before the wedding is a pretty amazing day that just flies by in a blur.

We planned to make ourselves available to help the bride and her parents with any last moment details. As it turned out, the bride's parents had everything under control, and actually opened their home for lunch and treats to all the out-of-town family and guests. It was a lovely way to get to know the bride's extended family and family friends.

MOG tip: If it is an out-of-town wedding, you may not be able to do much to help with the wedding related tasks. Ask if there is any way you can help anyway...and prepare to be gracious if your help is not required. Keep in the loop of the work being done (addressing invitations, making wedding favors etc.) and thank the MOB and her friends for all the work they do to prepare for your son's wedding.

MOG tip: If you secretly really want to add your ideas and thought as to what you think the wedding should include, resist! If you are having a hard time with the idea that you need to resist, (your need to be a "buttinski" is overwhelming) may I suggest you consider remodeling your house during the engagement. Trust me...with a million remodeling decisions being demanded of you, and overseeing the process and budget, you more than likely will be thanking heaven above that you aren't needed in the wedding planning process after all.

The rehearsal may be the first time you see the church or location of the wedding.

MOG tip: Take a good look around...on the wedding day you will be too busy seeing your son and the bride and the wedding party to notice the finer details of the setting.

MOG tip: Be prepared for an emotional jolt at the rehearsal. Seeing your son looking down the aisle at his bride-to-be really hits you hard. This wedding is REALLY going to happen!

It was fun to hum Rachel down the aisle to "Here Comes the Bride."

MOG tip: Privately suggest to the couple that they only attempt to slip the wedding band on to the second digit of the third finger, and let the other person slide the ring on the rest of the way. That is more graceful than a nervous ring wrestling tug-tug scene in front of everyone the day of the wedding.

I was interested in seeing my son's friends, some of whom I had never met. At age 29, Jeff had been out of our house, and several states away for the past ten years. It was nice to meet his "best friends" at last!

MOG tip: Since you have booked the rehearsal dinner venue and therefore know the appropriate dress for the event, be sure that information is passed on well in advance by the bride and groom to their wedding party, and by you to your family as well. It is nice to know if a coat and tie will be needed, or shorts and tee shirts for a beach party instead!

You might also ask the bride or her mom ahead of time if there are any specific wardrobe requirement for the rehearsal, especially if it is in a place of worship different than what you are familiar with. Pass the word along about anything that needs to be known at the same time you suggest rehearsal dinner attire.

Following the rehearsal, we went to a restaurant that the bride's family recommended. They actually gave us a list of venues, and Bernie called each suggested place to scope out price, room availability, menu and location. With 29 people invited to the rehearsal dinner, it was a good sized group and needed booking well in advance.



The chef worked with Bernie to assure a well rounded menu, including a vegetarian dish, and while we weren't exactly sure how the "family style" serving style would work out, actually it was marvelous.

MOG tip: Since it is the groom's parents task to host this meal, be sure to ask everyone in the wedding party ahead of time if they have any known food allergies before planning the menu with the chef. A tiny bit of anchovies in a dish, or a nut can have serious consequences that shouldn't have to be faced right before a wedding!



By the end of the meal, we all really did feel like family, passing plates of ribs and chicken, breads and desserts back and forth down the table on a center table-length board.



(Man oh man...would I like another serving of those ribs RIGHT NOW!)

MOG tip: Eat hearty at the rehearsal dinner. On the wedding day you will likely be much too busy to do more than get a nibble in before the wedding, and too busy chatting with guest to eat much after the wedding either.

Jeff's best man was his high school friend Mark. I hadn't seen Mark since high school graduation, and didn't recognize him without hair! When he was a teen, he never spoke more than two words a day...I was astonished to be complimented graciously by him as "looking just the same as he remembered" and by his heartfelt toast to his friend.

The maid of honor followed with an equally lovely toast.

MOG tip: Since you are hosting this meal, you may wish to encourage the family members to make their toasts to the couple at this dinner...or at least to make the toasts that include sly bits of teasing or humorous family stories. With those out of the way at this semi-private event, the more formal wedding day toasts can be the sort that preserve the couple's dignity on their special day

I was so glad that we could all be seated at one table, there was no sense of "her table" or "his table" but rather pictures were taken back and forth and conversation traveled up and down the row. Dinner finished around 9 pm, the "youngsters" still managed to go out to party more at a hotel/club while the more "seasoned" members retired to their various rooms to catch a good night's sleep.

MOG tip: A detailed area map is a lovely table favor for the rehearsal dinner, at least for the out-of-town guests. While printed directions were given from the church to the restaurant, some guests had a problem figuring out the route from the restaurant back to their lodgings. Wish I had thought of handing out maps sooner!

Next post: The wedding day!

Behind the Wedding Scenes and MOG tips pt. 2

Our son's wedding was out of town....in Northern California. When Bernie went to book our plane tickets, he originally booked us to arrive in Sonoma the day before the wedding, on
Friday.

Which leads us to another MOG tip: If your son is getting married in a distant location that requires plane travel to get to, book your plane tickets so you will arrive TWO days before the wedding, if at all possible.

Happily I figured this out and we re-booked our flight to arrive on Thursday, two days before the wedding. As it turned out, while our flight went off without a hitch, the traffic in Oakland was hideous, and we were stalled on the freeway for an hour. Once the traffic loosened up again, we had a moment of indecision as to which turn-off to make, and instead of heading north from Oakland, we instead circled back across the Bay Bridge to....



The town I left my heart in about ten years ago...San Francisco.

with the perfect public art work of Cupid's Arrow.

During the year we lived in San Jose before moving to Texas, we used to drive to San Francisco for a day trip. I was SO glad we didn't need to rush to get to Sonoma, and instead could enjoy....



The classic SF meal: Sour dough bread bowls with clam chowder and crab cake sandwiches on the wharf. It was cold, and foggy, and exactly like SF should be.

Delicious!

They do sour dough like nobody else!

Good food, good times...
It was a perfect mini-vacation for us! We would have had to miss that opportunity if we had flown in on Friday, the day before the wedding, because, of course, it is the parents of groom's duties to host the rehearsal dinner the day before the wedding...being late to arrive would have been unthinkable.



After we ate, we enjoyed driving by the typical multicolored SF row house that faced the waterfront.

Then a trip across the Golden Gate bridge, and then we took a leisurely drive up the coast.


(Laura had arrived at roughly the same time we did, but she stopped and took a lot of great pictures of the same drive we took...and let me borrow some of her pictures.)

The California poppies were nodding a bright greeting to us as we traveled, as well as other wildflowers like wild radish, mustard, lupin, and veronica.

Soon we were in Wine Country, traveling through the grape vineyard and seeing chalet like this one:

I wish we had had time to visit it...and all the other wineries that we passed along the way.

I had a feeling that the weekend would be very full, emotional, and that I would need a little pampering too.

The Lodge at Sonoma

MOG tip: If at all possible, reserve a room for just you and the groom's father at the nicest place you can find for the weekend, close to the church and the location of the rehearsal dinner.

We stayed at the lovely lodge with the most beautiful roses in full fragrant bloom, and art scattered about the grounds. Our room was a separate bungalow with a fireplace to enjoy as well. It was SO nice!



Since we had had a late filling lunch at the SF wharf, we decided to just eat at the hotel, and have a small late meal of salad.



That was a bit of a pity, considering what the menu had to offer!

(I always am interested in seeing interesting menus for meal planning inspiration later.)

After our meal and a flight of white wine, we walked back through the grounds and through a walkway lined with fragrant orange blossoms.

How perfect in light of the upcoming wedding.

The roses surrounding our bungalow were outdoing themselves in the moonlight.

If I hadn't been in the mood for a wedding before, I was after strolling through such romantic grounds.

MOG tip: Take note of the flowers and scents and sensations of season and weather that surrounds your son's wedding. If you are like me, you can recall what flowers and seasonal delights were surrounding you as you awaited the birth of your son. The flowers and scents that were experience while awaiting the birth of your son, and while awaiting the wedding ceremony can become memory stirring bookends marking the beginning and the ending of the season of your life when you were a mother to a growing son.

After our stroll we retired to our room for a good night sleep. The next day we awoke refreshed and ready for the beginning of the prenuptual activities.

More tomorrow!

The Wedding: Behind the Scenes and Tips for MOGS

(To see the wedding I am discussing...see the previous post!)

Doesn't every wedding have some behind the scene dramas and some extra special moments?
Those unplanned happenings that will later become part of the wedding story forevermore?
And in retrospect, wouldn't it have been nice if someone had taken a moment to fill you in on how to either avoid those dramas or assure those extra special moments?

You bet it would!

For months before my son's wedding I searched the Internet for advice and guidance for my upcoming duties as Mother of the Groom (hereafter abbreviated MOG.)

The advice was sparce:

Call the bride's parents after the engagement happens.

Try to coordinate with (and not upstage) the Bride's mother's event dress.

Keep your opinions to yourself about the wedding plans. (Advice classical spoken of as "Shut up, show up, and wear beige!)

Beyond that...I was pretty much on my own. I chatted with a few MOGs about their experiences and they clued me in a bit about the role of the MOG at a son's wedding.

Enjoy the moment, I was told, and remember, all eyes are on the couple and the Bride's mother.

You are free to relax and have fun!

Well, experience taught me a few other things. I realize that while I am still considered a newbie on this subject, nevertheless, I did learn a few things, and have decided to pass them along while I share some of the behind the scenes elements of our son's wedding day.

Tip #1: Shop early and often for a MOG outfit. Don't wait until your son is engaged; just make a point to check out clearances for dressy outfits that work on you.

I purchased what I called my "emergency mother of the bride or groom" outfit a few years back. It was a steal, marked down from a dizzying price. The floor length skirt was miraculously long enough on me, and the arm lengths were right as well. I had noted that long sleeved event outfits are few and far between, while strapless and sleeveless gowns are in abundance.



If you are old enough to be a MOG, and no longer have Barbie doll like upper arms, then sleeves are a really blessing!

Once I knew I was to wear a shade of blue to my son's wedding, I did go shopping for a "new" outfit. Truthfully, I had forgotten about my emergency outfit, as it was still in storage with the rest of our belongings due to our recent relocation.
As I went from store to store my heart sank: event dresses were brown, gold, gray, red or black.
Blue?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing suitable could be found in blue.

And worse yet, most of the dresses were decidely evening gowns, totally unsuitable for a morning wedding.

A strapless gown ablaze with rhinestone detail just wasn't right for a 10 am church wedding!

Thank heaven I had had the foresight to have an "emergency" outfit already! In fact, I actually had two...another one in a soft pastel green, and also a back up dress with no zippers or buttons in case of last second fastening failure!

Tip #2: If you need to have your outfit altered, and decide to have that done professionally, first of all tell the seamstress that you will need your outfit back on a date at least a full week before the wedding.

DO NOT disclose when the wedding actually is.




Tip #3: Take your MOG outfit to a bridal gown alterations shop where they know how to keep outfits spotless while they work.

Behind the Scenes: I took my outfit in for alterations a month before the wedding. It needed to be shortened to street length for the morning wedding, and the thigh area of the pencil skirt let out a tad. (OK...a lot....) I had read up and found an alterations shop that had good reviews.

Now I should have thought twice about leaving my outfit at that particular shop when I noticed that all the outfits hung up in the shop were blue jeans...and that the seamstress smelled of tobacco and wore a ratty flannel shirt. I tried not to be judgemental and left the dress in what I hoped were capable hands.

Three weeks later I was called in for a second fitting. I was thrilled at how she had fit the outfit to me, and she just needed to re-attach the waist band and hem it according to my high heels.

I was just a bit nervous... we would leave for the wedding in less than a week. I was assured the dress would be done "in no time!"

THREE DAYS (!!!!) before we left for the wedding I got the call to come get the outfit. I knew I needed to try it on to make sure everything was as it should be.

As I slipped the protective bag from the dress I saw what looked like a water spot on the bodice of my jacket.

As I put on the outfit, I noticed another spot on the sleeve, and one the jacket's back. Those spots DEFINITELY were not there when I brought the never worn outfit in, nor were they there when I had my first and second fitting.

Oh boy....this didn't look good...

The seamstress assured me that the spots were tailoring chalk and would come out with a poof of steam. I shouldn't worry...the outfit would be ready by tomorrow morning.

I was pretty sure those spot weren't tailoring chalk, but what else could I do but leave the outfit with her.

The next day I called the shop at noon. The outfit wasn't done. I called again at 4...and was told I could come get it at six pm. Wondering what was up, I drove to the shop and again slipped the clear protective bag from the dress, only to see MORE spots, spots worst than the ones before, including one that was like a bull's eye centered over my left breast.

Obviously I couldn't possibly wear the suit like this! And we were to fly out at one the very next day for the wedding!

The seamstress begged for me to allow the dry cleaners to put the outfit through one more time
Since the outfit was unwearable as it was anyway, I told her to go ahead, but that I would need the outfit back by 10 AM the next day.

I left the shop with my mind racing....where could I possibly get an outfit at the last minute?

I headed out...found one so-so blue dress, and a PERFECT purse for my original outfit! It matched the jacket's beadwork, and only cost $16!

I snagged both items, and headed home. I glumly resigned myself to either wear the green outfit, (not a color related to the wedding at all) or the short sleeve blue dress, which I knew I would freeze in. Laura also made a mad dash around San Diego and scored me a silver gray suit; I would need something to wear under the suit's jacket however.

A few close friends were asked to pray for a miracle...but still, a tear or two of doubt were shed into my pillow that night.
The next morning the call came in at 9:45. The outfit was done. The seamstress sounded very tired, and I relectantly headed over to the shop.

I walked in...and there it was: in perfectly stainless condition. The seamstress told me to just take it and enjoy the wedding. I gave her a hug and told her I was so sorry that both of us had had to go through this trauma. She hugged me back hard, and I danced out of the shop and shortly thereafter was on my way to the wedding.

More behind the scenes stories and MOG tips soon to come...stay tuned!

They Married on a Rainy May Morning

Sonoma California, May 2, 2009

After bridal pictures were taken, Jeff walked his bride-to-be through the rain to the limousine for the ride to the church.

It rained all day...and if rain on your wedding day is good luck, then these two should have an abundance of luck their whole married life!

And shortly there after, in the sight of God and around a hundred guest, they were husband and wife.

At the reception, they had their first dance to "At Last Love."

(I was so nervous about the dress that Rachel chose to have custom made. Bias cut ivory silk...isn't that the hardest thing to sew right? It turned out exactly as she had dreamed it would. The back details were gorgeous, the neckline showed off Jeff's wedding gift to her perfectly, a strand of pearls and matching diamond and pearl earrings. Lucky girl....)

They both dance effortlessly.

And yes...I did wear the navy HIGH heel slingbacks for the wedding. I was a bit wobbly going down the aisle, but I held on tightly to my son and we made it just fine, chatting happily the whole way. I told him I had waited my whole life for this day...

A simple cake, with berries the colors of the wedding for decoration. They fed each other gently and tenderly, much to my satisfaction.

Rachel's ring and bouquet.

Her bridesmaids in navy, with fuchsia being the other wedding color.

Two Lauras were in the group...the red headed one is our daughter, the other tall blond was Matron of Honor, and Rachel's friend since birth.

Table One...for the wedding party!

My newly married son...who got misty eyed as he watched Rachel come down the aisle at both the rehearsal and the wedding.

Such a lovely thing to see in a man...

Our family: left to right: My mom and dad, Bernie, Jeff, Bernie's dad and mom. Jeff was so blessed to have both sets of grandparents in attendance on his wedding day.

They are inspirations...my folks married over sixty years, and B.'s parents married 56 years.

At the rehearsal dinner: Me, and Bernie, Jeff and our daughter-in-love to be!

(Some behind the scenes stories tomorrow!)

Still Thinking about Songs...

Finding a Mother-Son dance song is hard.
Most songs start out OK, then go to romantic love, or are about breaking up or something like that.
Others are too sticky sweet, or have a strange rhythm or questionable lyrics.

For instance:

The song "I get a kick out of you" by Frank Sinatra sounded fun, as have always gotten a kick out of my son. But it has these lyrics:

Some they may go for cocaine
I'm sure that if, I took even one sniff
it would bore me terrifically too
but I get a kick out of you

The music that I absolutely adore dancing to is the music to "Kissed from a Rose" by Seal (it was a song from the movie Batman Forever)

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and,
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,The more i get of you,Ooh...Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
and if i should fall, at all
I've been kissed by a rose
been kissed by a rose on the grey.
There is so much a man can tell you,there...woa...
So much he can say.
There's so much inside.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that i can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,I've...I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Been...kissed from a rose on the grey.

There is dispute if it is kissed from a rose on the gray (which make no sense at all...) or if the word gray is actually grave. Hmmm.
Maybe just the instrumental version would work.

Then I find the comical songs, such as Laura's suggestion:

Hit the road Jack, and don'tcha come back no more no more no more no more...

And the uber appropriate song for the teen age years of my son's life:

Every Breath You Take (sung by the Police)

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you.
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you.

My in-laws suggested a nice slow song "The Serenade of the Bells."
I don't think they had considered the lyrics in light of modern terminology:

In the sleepy town of San Juanita,
There's a story that a padre tells,
Of a gay senor and senorita,
And the serenade of the bells.

One of songs that I most identify with Jeff is the theme from the movie "Top Gun" which he and his "posse" of friends seemed to play all the time:

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone...

"Close to you" by the Carpenters has these lovely words:

On the day that you were born the angels got together

and decided to create a dream come true.

So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

Kinda of sugary though...

Maybe the 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' groovy) for a morning wedding?

Slow down, you move to fast

You've got to make the morning last

Just kickin' down the cobblestones

Looking for fun and feeling groovy.

The word "groovy"....pretty dated.

Jeff likes rap. I hate rap, so I not even going to go there.

Me, dancing to rap. Not a pretty picture.

I do like Techno, but am not familiar with enough techno songs to make a reasonable choice. I'm open to suggestions though.

Right now my top pick is a little unusual but it makes me feel good every time I hear it.

It reminds me of Jeff's childhood days, AND it is slow. Dancing a three step would work I am told.

Do you know it? I have been surprised to learn that no one in my family remembers it at all!

Happiness from the musical You're A Good Man Charlie Brown(Clark Gesner)

(You can hear a midi sound track of the tune here.)

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.

PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE

TELLING THE TIME.

HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.

TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.

AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.

HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.

KNOWING A SECRET.

CLIMBING A TREE.

HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.

CATCHING A FIREFLY.

SETTING HIM FREE.

HAPPINESS IS BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN.

AND HAPPINESS IS COMING HOME AGAIN.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,

DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO.

FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL

THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER.

SHARING A SANDWICH.

GETTING ALONG.

HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,

AND HAPPINESS IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,

DAYTIME AND NIGHTTIME TOO.

FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL

THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

Yup, I think that could be the perfect song.

Uncertain times...

Yes, these are days of uncertain times.
And no, I don't mean the Swine Flu.
Things around here are much more serious than that.

I leave for Jeff and Rachel's wedding in four days.
My MOG periwinkle lavender/blue toned dress is not back yet...and I have to figure out what shoes to wear to the wedding.

Since I didn't have the dress to work with, I just bought shoes that might work.
Now before I discuss each option, please note the size of the heels on the above shoes.
I don't wear heels.
I wear loafers and Crocs.

They do make high heel Crocs now, but they just didn't look quite right, and I didn't think gluing some extra do-dads to them would make any difference, except to possibly make the wedding guest chortle and guffaw as I walk down the aisle on my son's arm.

There is already too much violence in the world, so I won't go into how my son would feel about me clomping along in regular Crocs.

So here we go: This pair has an iridescent purple color, very deep with navy under tones with a cross over toe. The dress has bead work around the hem of the jacket that would match the tone perfectly.
I tend to walk out of the back one of the shoes, as I have a very narrow right heel. A heel "snug" could work.
They are also the highest of all the heels.

These are very comfortable, a silver satin with a discreet rhinestone buckle. The bridesmaids are all wearing silver shoes with navy dresses, so I could blend in with them. Silver would look good with periwinkle, but I always feel one's shoes should be darker than one's hemline.

The least comfortable of the shoes, selected only because of the lavender tones. I don't like snake skin, but maybe they would really rock with the outfit.

The number one contender in Bernie's opinion: Navy slingbacks. Very high spiked heels, a bit unnerving, but the sling backs will stay on my heels. They make my size nine feet look small with I find odd since they are so elongated.

Hoo boy.

So I showed all of these to B. and he expresses his doubts that I will be comfortable in high heels. I explain that I will just need to go down the aisle and back up and stand a bit for pictures, then I can switch to....

These flats. (I'm going to have to have a look at my camera lens, all my pictures were blurry. Or maybe my hand is shaking. Dunno.)

Of course the shoe decision will influence the purse decision. I have a silver satin baguette bag, and I *had* a satin navy clutch that I can't find, and that I am hoping I gave to Laura, because there sure as heck aren't any navy dress purses out there. There are hardly any navy shoes out there...Nordstroms had exactly three navy pumps. Silver, gold, black, brown and red are very popular...NOT navy.

I'm calling about my dress today. Really, it should be done by now. I've got a list of 13 things I've got to do by Wednesday, working around my work schedule. No stress...no stress.....

Oh, and I have to figure out what song I want to dance to with my son at the wedding. He just informed me last night that that would be included in the reception.

I am a terrible dancer.

I suppose I will have to stay in heels until after that is over.

Eeek.

Have an ambulance ready....

Anyone have a good suggestion for a song?

Help!