Monday, January 11, 2010

Oh blah, oh rats. Help me, Obama!

Ugh...I just heard on the news that we had the worst air quality in the USA over the weekend. The grey dingy sky sank to the valley floor, then built up until the mountain ranges were nearly invisible. The morning temperatures were in the teens, but on the brighter side, it was warm enough in the weak sunlight that we could sit on the deck to read the Sunday paper after church.
Jeff warned us that January didn't have a lot going for it here. It would be cold, with very little snow, and what is called "inversions" which is some sort of atmospheric trick that creates the terrible air quality. Thankfully, we live above the inversion, a fact that was noted as a highly desirable feature back when we were house hunting.

The snow on our property is still deep, but very icy, and shows deer tracks in front and a series of rat tracks in back. The Norwegian rats dug seeds into the lawn over the summer, and now they are digging them up again, and leaving a brownish smooth half pipe trail through the snow.

Bernie says he will have to trap them soon, now that we can clearly see two of them at work. The little brown rats look up at us with black eyes, faces that are not rat like at all. For awhile we wondered if they were some kind of ferret or other creature, but their rat tails were unmistakable.

We hesitate to set traps; cats and birds frequent the yard, and it would be horrible to find Missy or Gracie or any of the other local cats with smashed toes or muzzle. Everyone that I know who has used rat traps usually find a very much alive rat trapped in the end...and have to dispatch the rat in a bucket of water or with a hammer. Ugh all over again.

But rats WILL breed, and the idea of having a rat family taking up residency in our garage or worse, somehow in our house, is motivation to face the music and get the job done.
(Lovella...if your boys are interested in a trip to SLC, they can revisit their ratting days and get some good skiing in as lodging on us!)

Thankfully there is always something to laugh about if you look hard enough. The Best Parody Song of 2009 (as named by the iconic Dr. Demento) was penned by two lads from SLC, winning out over other songs penned by Weird Al himself.

So without further is it is, your daily laugh to get you through another grey cold January day:


Parody of the Beatles' "Lady Madonna"
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

Macy Lund: Christmas Wishes
Robert Lund: Everything Else

(sung to the tune of Lady Madonna)

Save me, Obama
Stimulate my life
Please improve my credit, my job, my wife
Bail out my bar tab
Subsidize my rent
Isn't that the point of the government?

Bills and banks and Baghdad are a bummer
Please appoint a breast-enhancement czar
Tell GM I really need a Hummer
And a new car!

Save me, Obama
Fix my abs and hair
Buy my Frappucinos with Medicare
Spank all the bankers
Bring a lasting peace
To the Yanks and Red Sox and Middle East

Stop Shiites from settling fights the mob way
Find me jobs in Fiji and St Croix
Purge the graft from hell-holes like Zimbabwe
And Illinois!

Save me, Obama
Find a cure for gas
Leave your carbon footprint on OPEC's ass
Hug North Korea
Shoot hoops with Iran
Can we ask for everything? Yes we can!

Make each Christian, Muslim, Jew, and Mormon
All join hands and sing Give Peace a Chance
Ending death and spam and global warmin'
And menstrual cramps!

Save me, Obama
Left and Right agree
This is now the United States of Me!

...and I want a pony...and an iPhone...and a two-state solution in Gaza...and a reintroduction of the Dodo bird to its native habitat...and an end to hunger in sub-Saharan Africa...and a weekly six-figure allowance...


Lovella ♥ said...

And to think you did all that with bad air on the valley floor. I find you such a bit of wit and over here in ratless land . .. it is raining cats and dogs. .
Oh vey . .I did cringe at the notion that you are seeing the rats. . for every rat you see during the day . .there are at least ten. Oh Vey .. You are better off trapping a live cat by mistake than poisoning a soon to be dead cat.
What do the neighbors do?
love the song. .maybe lyrics could be added for your rat problem.

Judy ~ My Front Porch said...

A song is in the air! The air might not be so good...but it's a great song. Trust me...rat traps work. And you need not be anywhere nearby when HE looks after the trapped rodent.

Vicki said...

Ugh. Rats. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I can't stop shuddering... UGH.