Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sad time.

This photo was taken Nov 5th, last year.
My mother-in-law Barbara came out to visit around Bernie's  birthday as she so often did.
Things were starting to get tough.
I deliberately chose not to share our trials on my blog as I wished for my blog to be a soothing place to visit.
I feel like the time to be open about this past year has come
I had started a new job that I didn't like and was facing a heart procedure in a few weeks.
A rift with another family member took place during the Nov. 5th visit.
Tears were shed and continue to be shed over that by all of us.
By the end of January of this year we had gone through several painful events:
I was in pain from the heart procedure.
My son lost his job with his first child due in three months; thankfully he found a new job within two months
Two days later I lost my job too.
I am still out of work.
And then things really got bad.

Mid February we got a call that Barbara was experiencing jaundice.
Adult jaundice typically signals pancreatic cancer; and this was true for her.
Knowing this we went to be with her in San Diego for her 82 birthday in early March.
The picture above was taken on that birthday day.
So many of you sent her warm birthday wishes, some of you knowing at the time what we knew.
The doctors said she had four to six months to live; there really was nothing that could be done to fix the cancer. She chose bravely and wisely hospice care over trying any extraordinary procedures that offered little hope.
Our prayer was that she would make it to her 60th wedding on Dec. 3rd.
Today we learned that the end is very near.
Bernie and I will be driving tonight to San Diego to be with her and Hal.
The 60th anniversary will be celebrated with memories only.
We have been so thankful that she had four extra months and that for the most part she felt well and at peace.
Her faith is strong; she told me yesterday that as she feels her body failing she also feels her spirit expanding.
I know soon she will be rejoined with her younger son Mark who left us for heaven three years ago this December.

Barbara has been a wonderful mom and mother-in-law and grandmother to our children.
During the past ten years we have traveled together to Hawaii, Scotland, around Texas, Colorado and Utah.
We had often spoken of how we planned on having her go along with us as we traveled after we retired.
I admit I am most dismayed that those adventures will not come to pass after all and that there will be no more visits with her in my home.

It has been a difficult year in so many ways; it has been a blessing to have her alive to meet her 7th great grandchild Luke, and to see  the first of her grandchildren get a Masters degree, and to have her feel well for the most part.
Bernie was able to go be with her every month and I was able to visit a few times too.
Each visit...was precious.

(Barbara, my daughter Laura and I in Scotland...oh the fun we had and the memories we made!)

Yesterday we talked and cried and laughed together over the phone.
Everything that needs to be said has been said.
Please be praying for us as we drive; Bernie has an injured knee that is adding physical pain to his emotional pain.
Pray that her passing will be easy.
Pray for the days ahead for her beloved Hal, and for peace to be restored with our estranged family member.
And pray that somehow, someday, there will be no more cancer.


Vicki said...

You know you have my prayers for PEACE for all of you...every single one. I'm praying that HE will open each heart to the love and comfort that HE provides, and that all will celebrate together the beauty of a life well-lived and well-loved.

ellen b. said...

I'll be praying for all of you. Such a hard time...

Vee said...

Yes, I join you in each of those requests. May your loved ones know the comfort and peace that only comes from the Father. You are all in my prayers.

RoeH said...

Very hard. Hugs.

Lorrie Orr said...

You and your family are in my prayers today. Praying for safety as you travel, peace and comfort from God, and sweet, sweet memories. Hugs.

Rosella said...

Sending you huge hugs and prayers!! Also praying for mended relationships. May the Lord wrap you in his arms at this time of sadness!

Judy ~ My Front Porch said...

Oh...so sad for you as you go through this difficult time. Praying for you...for safety as you travel and for peace and comfort that only God can give.

Lovella ♥ said...

Jill, You know I am praying for you but I want to say it again. God is sovereign and knows all the sad details of this past year. I am praying most of all that the next days and weeks ahead bring sweet peace to your family. I know your love runs deep for all involved and nothing saddens the heart more than estrangement.
Love to Barbara and Hal. I've appreciated her in your life and know you and Bernie will miss her dearly.
Praying also that your drive today will be safe and that Bernie's knee will not be too painful.

Kathie said...

Dear Jill - I'm so sorry. May His sweet peace and comfort keep you, and yours, during this hard time. Sending love and prayers.

Anneliese said...

Praying for you as you travel and spend the last moments together on this earth. May you sense the holines of her passing on to heaven and be encouraged by the hope we have. It is wonderful to have the legacy of a mom and mom-in-law like her! May the good memories keep coming and bring smiles and joy in the gift you had in each other. God bless.

Julie said...

Jill, what can I say except my heart and prayers reach out toward you. May God answer every concern you mentioned in your post.
May His presence and love comfort you and hold you close in this valley of sorrow.
I love you with a hug ... julie

Sara said...

Jill, I join with the others here sending prayers heavenward for you and your family during this bitter-sweet and very painful transition in all of your lives. May each of you know the real, undergirding and loving presence of the Father in ways that bring peace and comfort to your hearts.

charlotte mgcc said...

Jill, what a painful time for your family. I am so sorry that you have experienced such difficult times in this last year. I know that you trust God, and I pray that in this trust you will find his peace and comfort for all the spoken and unspoken concerns you have shared. I am sending you a virtual ((((HUG))))

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

I'm so sorry to read of your mother-in-law's illness. She looks like such a beautiful and cheerful woman and I know you will miss her dearly. I pray her passing will be peaceful and that she will be in glory with our Lord. Praying for you and your family. {[ hugs}}

Marg said...

What a beautiful tribute of honesty. It's hard to write the hard stuff...your post triggered many things for me...strange how we deny difficult times in our lives when we post.
Thank you for sharing and I am praying that you continued to feel God's peace and blessing.

Dawn said...

I am so sorry, Jill and Bernie.
She was a beautiful lady.

Kathy said...

Jill, I've been praying for you and Bernie during these difficult days. May God give you all you need for this day. Hugs dear friend. Kathy

Kathy said...

Jill, I've been praying for you and Bernie during these difficult days. May God give you all you need for this day. Hugs dear friend. Kathy

Pondside said...

I'm so late to this post but it is never to late to pray for a friend, and that I can do. You are in my prayers.

Armando y Montez said...

Tears, Prayers and Hugs..