How much longer till present opening???

Tate:  This waiting until Christmas is starting to get to me.
They keep saying to check the Advent calendar...don't they know cats don't know what a calendar is for?

All these boxes with ribbons and things...just sitting on the table for days now.

I've been told I has to be be good and wait until Christmas morning to open the boxes.

That big red one...wonder what's in that one?

I really am being good.  Just sitting next to the boxes, looking at all the pretty ribbons and sparkly papers.

Just a little while longer...I can keep being really good...

OH who are we kidding here?
I am bored out of my mind!
What is the big deal about waiting until later anyway?

Jill:  Tate, did I hear you say something?

Tate: No...I was just yawning loudly before I take my nap.  Go back to sleep.

Jill:  Umphhh...ugh...I feel lousy any way....zZzzzzzzz

Tate: That was close.  I think as long as she is asleep I will just do a bit of pre-Christmas snooping.
This bag smells interesting...

The ribbons....the ribbons! 

The ribbons and the tissue paper both make the best crinkly sound!

Oh my.  No wonder Christmas presents are so popular.  Who wouldn't want stuff with ribbons?

Wonder if different colored ribbons taste differently?
One way to find out for sure....

Chomp...chomp...chomp....

That actually didn't taste all that great...phooey!

Oh hi Bernie.  No I was just keeping an eye on the Christmas presents for you.   They all look just great!

Can't wait until Christmas morning!

Yes, I am keeping an especially close watch on that big red gift.
Is it for me?

Bernie: No, I am afraid it isn't.  

Tate:  Oh.  Well maybe who ever gets it will let me have the ribbon after it is opened?

Bernie:  We'll see what we can do about that...

Tate:  I just wish I knew how many more hours it is until we open presents around here. 

Sometimes not being able to tell human time can be a really big drag.

******
Update:  The Wednesday visit to the doctor left me no new answers aside from reconfirming that there is a bit of fluid on the heart, and some inflammation around the heart sack which gets brushed with each breath of lung expansion. 
Random coughing spells serve to open up the lungs that I hesitate to fully inflate.
The "guess" is that these two elements are the reason for the on going fever which unhappily continues up to today.

Flu is ruled out; as I am allergic to flu shot preservatives I was glad that was that case.

I am on an antibiotics and seven other heart procedure related meds; all of which should be finished up in the next week or so.
I have read that sometimes meds can cause fevers too.

I am so thankful that this year did not include travel plans, either to other places or people coming to visit us.

I would really like to be fever free and able to return to work (and a real life outside of fever/fever break sweats/ fever rebuilding with aches etc etc!) on Tuesday.

And I would like for food to taste normal and tummy friendly again as well.

Wishing everyone a blessed Christmas with health, family and love abounding here on earth is it does in heaven above.

No Ho Ho.

I know I will forget what we have been doing unless I post about it. 
On  Tuesday Dec. 13th  we attended Bernie's professional organization's Christmas party.
It was held at a Fine Art museum.

A nice jazz trio played...

The food was good, the people not particularly friendly. 

After we dined, we wandered about the galleries enjoying the art. 
Not a bad way to spend a very cold Monday evening in December.
Not bad at all...

Wednesday afternoon was the staff Christmas party at work, a potluck held over lunch time.
Not quite as glam as the party the night before, but the people were a lot more friendly.

The guys even wore festive ties and such.

A few games were played; we visited and laughed together. 
Not a bad way to spend an hour.
Not bad at all.

This year Bernie has taken on the holiday chores; he has both shopped for gifts and decorated the tree and the house.

The tree...he decided to drape the deck railing with garland and lights and place the Christmas tree outside where it could well be seen from our kitchen, dining and living room, a scene framed through the garland and light trimmed sliding door.

At various times the tree has had snow on the branches and even some ice cycles.

Colorful birds have stopped by to enjoy the festive scene.

The flicker was an especially impressive visitor.

At one point all four cats held a meeting on the stairs. 
Trust me...the four of them rarely are seen this close together.

I'm not sure what the meeting was all about, but shortly afterward, there was a complete re-arrangement in the feline sleeping accommodations.
Why?
Who knows.

A grey icy fog has covered our area for a couple of weeks, trapping pollutions and making the world look uninviting.
Each morning new hoarfrost designs are to be seen outside on metal and glass surfaces.

I wonder how it works that a long streamer of frost designs will sometimes form while other frost remain in rounded clumps.

Fascinating stuff...or at least it is to me.

So after our staff Christmas party last Wednesday we went back to work and then I went home as usual.
The next morning, last Thursday, I woke up with a 101 temp.
Since I have no sick leave (new job/had to take time off without pay for cardiac procedure) I decided to just pop some Tylenol and tough it out.
When I got home my temp was 103.2

Next morning the temp was 102...but off to work again.
Around 10 am I noticed it kind of hurt to breath.
Decided I should at least let the cardio group know what was going on.
(They have shown absolutely no interested in a week of fever and chest pain earlier so I didn't think they would care this time either but just to be safe...)
Well.
This time I was ordered in for eight hours of tests.
CTs
Echocardiogram
Ultrasound
Bloodwork
Urine tests

All of which confirmed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
(This bit of excellent news was delivered to me as I displayed a 102 temp.)
I was sent home with an anti inflammatory and percoset...oh how blissful those "percs" are when they kick in!

Anyway, that pretty much took care of all of Friday.
Saturday: More fever
Sunday: Our Anniversary.  More bed time with fever.
Monday: Same
Tuesday: Same

You know what is really bugging me?

Is that while the doctors were running all manner of amazing tests to discover why I was feeling so cruddy, NO ONE did a swab to see if maybe, just maybe I could have the flu?

I know...why didn't I ask?
It is such folly to assume doctors can think of these things on their own, right?

So I have been basically burning up, drenching in fever break sweat, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, worry about what this is if it isn't the flu, worrying about how lame I must seem to my coworkers, worrying about what isn't being done for Christmas (Bernie really has handled all the needful things, and I keep telling myself that I can make Valentine day treats to give to the neighbors and coworkers later...)

This morning I didn't have a temperature.
Still feel yukky, but hopeful that maybe things are on the mend.

So for now...no ho ho ho here.
I think I am ready to go back to bed.

Walks

Pictures from a short hike we took the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Snow had tumbled down the small slopes beside the trail.
The naturally made snow balls always make me think of cartoon scenes...you know which one's I am thinking of?

Avalanche warning kept us in areas where the elevations around us were gentle slopes.

The following Sunday (a week after my medical procedure) Bernie went cross country skiing up at Solitude, and I walked around the Solitude village a bit.

Flat snow "pancake" like designs floated atop a small stream whose soft burble was the only sound that was heard.

Solitude Village...

Lots of condos and time shares, most of which appeared to be vacant.

The clouds drifting just over the ridges to the west; rainbow accents embedded in the cloud's outlines.

Poor wee snow woman with the sad remains of summer floras bent beside her in the snow.

Ice dripped and shot rainbow jewels all about.

Never would I have thought to paint eaves orange and turquoise in a snowy mountain area, but you know what?

The color  scheme totally worked in the setting of white.

Never would have thought to add dried cranberries to a wild mushroom soup.
We didn't stay for lunch, but I snagged some cooking ideas from the menu anyway.

Huckleberry ice cream was enough of a treat.

Bernie caught up with me at the ice cream shop.
We shared the cone, then headed back down the canyon to our own home for dinner.

Just a nice Sunday afternoon mini get away.

The Song

Well...technology has me mystified as usual: After getting comments that the English translation of the Hindi song that I linked to in my last post didn't show, I tried clicking on the song link again on four different computers and each time the English translation showed in the YouTube version. 

Go figure. 

Perhaps some people's computers demand that Close Captioning (CC) needs to be clicked before the translation appears?

I just don't know...

Because the whole reason that I posted the song was because of the lyrics, I figure I had better write out and post the lyrics, in English, so *maybe* it can be understood why I liked the song so much. 

This is the song sung by a husband to his wife; at this point in the film the heartbroken wife has yet to offer her husband any hope that she will ever love him.  He assures her that his love is not based on her loving him but rather because...well, read the lyric below for his underlying reasoning!

Later in the Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi movie there is a parallel song sung by the wife after she has an epiphany concerning her husband.

It made me happy to read about several people who chose to have this song sung at their wedding. 

(And please note that the word "bowing" in the translation below is most closely imagined as "respecting" in our culture).

So here is the translation of Tujh Mein Rab Dinkhta Hai:

You are my heaven

My final tryst.

You are my prayer.

My  soul's bliss.

You are the calm I seek.

You are in my every heart beat.

I  know nothing else now

Except...

I see my God in you,

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you.

I don't know what to do.

I see my God in you.

So far some how

I am helpless now

But I touch you with my gaze.

Your scent

Your words

I'm in paradise in a daze

You're the light inside my heart

You're the treasure I'd ever part

I know nothing else now

Except...

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

It's a match made by God

With anklets that ring

Leave me longing

When you go by

Your shadow teased with with touch

Even when your are shy it is like my God is dancing...

Your are what shines

My light divine

I know nothing else now

Except

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you

I don't know what to do.

I can't help but bow before you

I don't know what to do

I see my God in you.

I don't know what to do

It's a match made by God

Isn't it a refreshing concept to think that a romance/adoring could be based on seeing God in the other person, instead of what reasons are usually portrayed/suggested in Hollywood movies?

I think so.

How about you?

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai - English Subs

I want to post about a song...sung in a language which I don't speak, which I played over and over and over again while I was recovering from a medical procedure last week.

 I had come across several very high reviews of the Bollywood movie "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi" (translation: A Match Made By God), from 2008, and had ordered a copy of it prior to being hospitalized. It arrived just in time for me to enjoy while I recovered at home.

As is the case of all Hindi language films, the plot required a suspension of critical thinking in order to enjoy the plot, had several song and dance numbers (one of which was so awful silly I barely made it through it), and the movie was long enough to include an intermission.

 (When Bernie joins me in watching a Bollywood movie, he usually is gasping "Oh THANK you God that this thing is half over!" when the intermission screen appears).

 One thing about anaesthesia and me: for days after being put under, I find that I am unable to follow the most simple plot line in a book and will read and re-read the same paragraph multiple times without comprehension. I find the same issues plague me when watching television, and worse, this being the Christmas season, I found the endless stream of commercials urging me to get out there and shop for stuff to be exhausting. After an hour of television I was so done with Christmas that I was wishing it was August again already.

Anyhoo...Bernie had won a laptop style DVD player which was just the right size for propping open on my chest backed up by a pillow while I stayed snuggy in bed beneath a down comforter.

I popped the "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi" dvd in and let the story unfold.

The very popular Indian actor Shahruhk Khan was featured in a dual role. The storyline, in brief, entailed a very geeky Khan going to the wedding of his college professors' daughter. He is quite smitten by her pre-wedding joy, and is also greatly admired by the Professor.

Bad news quickly arrives: the groom and his family were killed in a fatal accident on their way to the wedding, and with this horrific news, the professor suffers a heart attack. Not wanting his daughter to be left alone, the professor asks Khan if he would be willing to marry the daughter if she would accept the idea.

 In less than 48 hours, the professor also dies, is cremated and Khan and the girl are wed. The girl is much younger than Khan's geeky character, and is understandably pretty shut down by all that has happened so quickly.

 Khan brings her back with him to his home in the city, and with great dignity gives her the main room in his house for her own, retreating to the attic space to live and sleep.
 He soon realizes he is in love with his young wife and wishes for nothing more than that she would once again have joy.

Upon discovering that the only time she smiles is at the antics of Bollywood movie heroes, and after agreeing to let her enter a dance class, he plots to become part of her life as a dual character: he dresses as a Bollywood hipster would dress and enters into the dance class to watch her.

A comedic friendship evolves between the "hip" Khan and the girl, while "geeky" husband Khan does not reveal his duplicity knowing that he represents the moment that she lost so much in her life.

As usual, it is after the intermission that the story line shifts from being almost slap-stick to being so deep and emotionally significant that it just blew me away.

Now granted I was feeling pretty whimpy while I was watching this DVD, but I was also very aware of how exquisitely my husband was providing care for me on many levels.  With our 35th anniversary coming up next week, I felt so blessed to have him with me and to be the recipient of his many kindnesses to me in my infirmity.

In sickness and in health...after 35 years we deeply understand that part of our wedding vows now.

"As Christ loved the Church"...yes, I saw in my husband a man made in God's image.  I saw God care for me brought about through him.

Which brings me back to the song entitled "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta" that I played over and over again, often with tears welling up in my eyes.

Khan is playing both of the men in the scene: the geeky husband in white, and the "hip" guy friend as well. He is lipsyncing as is the traditional way of Hindi movies; another artist's voice is the one actually heard in the movie. Maybe this song won't affect you as it did me...but I wanted to share it anyway...click HERE to view it with English translation.

The scenery, lyrics, instrumentals, choreography and children combined to make it special to me.
(I later learned that the sound track of this movie was the first Bollywood soundtrack to make it into the top 10 of music down loads.  Apparently it isn't just me who found the song to be quite wonderful).

More than Jesus in my heart....

I finally feel well enough to do a catch up post.
Perhaps I should borrow a title from Louisa May Alcott and entitle it "Hospital Sketches", for that is what this post will be about, for the most part.

Yes, that is my monitor screen pre-procedure, with my funky 52 pbm Brady Sinus heartbeat and other issues pictured up there. 

But it is a catch up post too.
So.
My amazing husband cooked an incredible Thanksgiving meal for us.
Friday we went snow shoeing again.
Sunday night we had a "left over" dinner with the Utah based family members who had been gone over the holiday proper.

Bernie and I watched the mid season finale of The Walking Dead after they left.
Pretty gripping stuff...

At ten that evening I stopped eating and drinking in preparation for my next day's scheduled Catheter Ablation,
 a cardiac procedure, which was scheduled to address my arterial fibrillation and arterial flutter.
Both of those issues had been identified early this past October.

From what I understood, a doctor would be feeding wires up my main arteries and into my heart where he would identify which parts of my heart were beating out of sync or in flutter or in fibrillation or whatever and burn those areas to create scarring so the cardiac electrical pathways would be altered.

The next morning we got up early to be at the hospital by 8 am.
Bernie kept looking at me and commenting that I was awful cheerful for some one who was about to have wires threaded through my body and into my heart.

Naw.  It was gonna be just fine.
Back to work the next day...
No. Big. Deal.

Except they sent us home; requesting we return at 11 am when the doctor would arrive.

Oh.
Missed that voice mail....

Well then.

Take two.

Lickity split, at 11 am sharp I was checked into a hospital room, changed into a gown and sticky pads were anchored all over my body in order to monitor my heart rhythms.
It is kinda distracting and interesting to watch one's pulse wave along on a screen, and note when the alarm fires off because the heart rate drops to 48...47...46 and numbers there about.

Bernie was absolutely delighted to discover that the hospital room had a "sleep over" couch in the room that was long enough for his 6'3" frame.

The man has done more than his share of sleeping in a hospital room watching over me while curled up in a chair or trying to get comfortable in a bed nearly a foot too short for his size.
I was glad for him too.
We have a policy in our family: No one is left alone in the hospital.
This time it wouldn't require such a great physical sacrifice for Bernie.

I mentioned to my doctor's PA that if I woke up alone and found "walkers" in the hospital I was going to be really, really upset.
He laughed, said he couldn't believe I watched that show, and wasn't it great, and yeah it would be crazy to discover the hospital was overtaken by zombies.

He promised he would get me out if that happened.

Always nice to meet another Walking Dead fan who would be willing to come to my rescue if zombies happened to attack.

Yes...I was still believing this procedure would be pretty easy at this point.
Except for a headache due to skipping my morning cup of coffee, I was feeling just fine.

Of course there still was to come the needle stick in the back of the hand to start the IV. That is never a pleasant moment, but after that...clear sailing.

A team arrived to whisk me down the hallway to the Cath Lab.  I had left my glasses with Bernie and once I was scooted off the bed and on to the surgical table, I regretted leaving them behind.

The room, from what I could see, looked like a space station lab with huge monitor screens over head and glassed in stations all around me.

One of lab team was sporting University of Utah motif spangled scrub cap.

I told him it was pretty cool, but it would be better if it had an OSU beaver motif.

"At least we are both in the Pac 12" he replied congenially.

Still feeling rather chipper, I then commented that my grad school was still undefeated this year... and gave a pause to wait for someone to ask which school that was.

I heard a snicker before the question was even posed.

Would you believe the four people attending me were University of North Texas grads, and one guy had even gotten married in the TWU chapel?

It was like old home week with a bunch of exiled Texans.

Yeah, they totally knew about how Texas Woman's University has remained undefeated in football for well over a century...

The next thing I knew I was waking up unable to breath.
I thought I was back in my room, I knew Bernie was there and a team was around me but I COULDN'T BREATH!
I tried to yell "I AM DROWNING!" and lunged to get off the bed.

Bernie said it was just like watching a Walking Dead zombie  as my screams came out ArrgghhhrrRRGGHAAAGRRR and I flailed about.

Then my right upper leg started killing me.
I managed to say something understandable about that and quickly had a nurse bearing down on a puncture located at the inside groin.

Things calmed down...I knew I had to lay perfectly flat for several hours to make sure there wouldn't be an accidental re-opening of the groin punctures where three wires had been threaded on one side up into my heart and there was another puncture on the other side and one on my neck and...it seemed like I was now sporting globs of huge cotton batting all over my body.

I was horribly thirsty having not had a drink in over 20 hours.
A few ice chips were fed to me by Bernie and at some point I was told I was was now going to be taken back to my room.

Someone started rolling me and my bed somewhere...and then I realized I was nauseated.
I mentioned that fact.
In fact, I mentioned it twice.
Then I mentioned that I was going to throw up.

A couple of people scattered, obviously trying to find something to catch the spew; they had no success so I got to experience the wonders of vomiting while laying flat on my back while looking straight up at the ceiling.

For the second spew I did get to turn my head and there was Bernie ready to hold a small curved basin to catch the mess.
At least that is how I remember it.
I will have to ask him later it it was indeed him.
(It was.)

He has experience with me spewing in hospital settings.
During our son's C-section delivery; during a few other events...he was there for me when I needed him.

I was apologizing to everyone in ear shot for the mess on my neck and shoulders. Later I learned that cardiac anesthesia is a slightly different mix than most anesthesia so my reporting that I had not gotten sick from being put under before was not relevant to what was likely to be experienced this time.

Back in the room I was expecting to start feeling better, but no...a few more spews (how could just a couple of ice chips produce that much fluid) and then my right rib cage started hurting.
An anti-nausea and pain drug was given to me.
Didn't even make a dent in the issues.
Something stronger was administered...
And something even stronger as I was clenching the rails and jiggling my feet trying to cope with the pain.
Dilauted I wanted to say.
Get me some serious meds NOW.
I don't know what they finally gave me but I did fall asleep for a bit.

Super bummer to have them keep coming in to do what ever they needed to do...draw blood, take vitals, etc, because upon waking I was right back to hurting until I could fall asleep again.

The next morning I was able to roll over and the rib cage pain stopped.
Breathing still was not really comfortable (the inside the heart burns tends to irritate the entire the heart, which swell and rubs against everything else in the chest so each breath felt like a karate chop on between my shoulders and my chest).

Not sure why all my complaining didn't result in

MORE
PAIN
MEDS.

grrrrrr.

The doctor dropped by and drew a nifty little sketch of all that he had done.

He assured me that I *might* have a low grade fever, *might* have some minor discomfort, and a Tylenol would fix me right up.

He lied.

Bernie set off to get a pile of prescriptions and I was discharged after a nice nurse cautioned me to watch the punctures for redness. She then went over a rather complex set of instructions on how to take the meds.

Something like drink the fluid, wait and an hour later take pills then an hour later eat, then repeat in reverse later in the day.
Something like that....

Once I was home I started to read the warning literature that came with the meds.
One would thin the blood and all kinds of dire stuff could happen with that.
One could cause constipation, while the other could cause diarrhea.

Hmmmm....how is a combination like that even possible?

Blurred vision was quite possible too.

I went to bed.

Bernie figured out the dosage rhythm.

That night my temperature went up to 102.2

I asked Bernie to call the doctor's office to see if that was normal since the literature said to call if a fever reached  over 101.

Love the cliche answer we got:

Take some Tylenol and call back in the morning.

The fever slowly came down over the rest of the week; by Saturday I was almost fever free.

The pain level bounced around between unbearable and barely noticeable. 
Any quantity of food would set off chest pain as the esophagus would fill and rub against the swollen heart.


Then of course there was breathing where the heart was rubbed by the lungs.

In  one particular painful 3 am episode, I decided eating and breathing were out from here on in.

My cats did attempt to cheer me up in the lonely night hours by doubling their nocturnal jingle ball and mouse chasing activities.

They would wait until I had almost nodded off sitting upright in a chair in the living room then go thundering down the hall swatting cat toys loudly enough to wake the dead.

Day 7, Sunday, was the best day yet.
No fever, very little pain.
That was good as I was headed back to work the next day.

Work...where I had optimistically and ridiculously stated I would return to the second day after the procedure, like my doctor had suggested was possible.

I suspect that my doctor sometimes treats people that are not really human if they can actually do that.

Oh and I did I mention that when I called the doctor's office again on Friday about the fever and pain, I got to speak with his nurse who clued me in that the doctor
just.
 might.
 have forgotten.
to mention.
That he would be gone on vacation for three weeks after the procedure.

And but the good  news, (according to the chipper nurse) was that I had gotten him to do the procedure before he left town.

The fever, pain, and totally crazy heart beat patterns that had been happening since the procedure were TOTALLY normal and to be expected.

There now.

Isn't that a good thing to know?

And won't it be a good thing for them to know once I get a patient care evaluation form that I thought their pain management skill levels totally stunk.

*********

As I write this it has been a full week since the procedure.
I am feeling stronger day by day, had a full day back at work and am looking forward to two weeks from now when I should be better than new, heart wise.

Can't wait to start exercising and having energy again.

***********
And I especially want to say a big Thank you to all of you who knew about the procedure as it was happening and held me up in prayer.
I did feel at peace.
I felt totally at peace in my soul.
Totally safe with my God watching over me.